Club Adventure - Frequently Asked Questions

Frequently Asked Questions:

1. What is swinging? Swinging is social and sometime sexual interaction between you and someone other than your significant other.

Some call it recreational sex.

2. What's soft swinging? There are varying degrees of swinging. Hardcore swingers are those couples who actually have

intercourse with other partners. Soft swingers do not. But that's oversimplifying it. There are also varying degrees of soft swinging as well.

Some couples only fondle, but do not have oral sex. Some couples have oral sex but don't kiss others, etc. The boundaries that you set

should be agreed upon by you both, and you are well within your rights to demand that others in the lifestyle respect those boundaries.

However, if you do meet another couple that you really like, you should have a conversation with them about those boundaries so there

aren't any surprises when you move to the next step.

3. Do we HAVE to have intercourse? Absolutely not. As a couple you should set some boundaries that will keep your primary

relationship safe from stress. If one of those boundaries is not to have sex, just be sure that you communicate this to other couples who

may have different boundaries. Swinging is not just about sex. Although it is sometimes the result of friendship, the process does not

include sex at all. According to Dr. Bob McGinley of The Lifestyles Organization, "Swinging is an Attitude".

4. How do we meet other couples? You can answer an ad in a magazine, meet people online, post ads online, or go to clubs.

Please be very careful when talking with people you've not met, especially online. You should remember that it's pretty easy to get

discouraged if you meet people who aren't completely honest. Sometimes it's easier to go to a club, at least you can see what you're

getting!

5. What about HIV? We all know that the AIDS virus is transmitted through bodily fluids. The only way to be sure you're safe is never

to have sex at all (and don't use IV drugs, etc.). However, we know that's not reality! If you agree to both use condoms, that will not

eliminate the risk. It will help, but you need to also consider using dental dams, condoms, or Saran Wrap when having oral sex as well.

(What if you have a cut in your mouth and you have oral sex with an infected person?) A lot of couples today are deciding not to have any

intercourse with other people to be safer. It's a life and death decision that you're dealing with here, so don't belittle it. Some couples say

that you have just as good a chance of being hit by a bus, and maybe they're right. However, why would you take a risk that you could

avoid so simply? You are talking about your lives, you know.

6. Why no singles at your club? Our view of swinging is that it's a couple's lifestyle. In light of the recent filing of a lawsuit against a

club for sexual discrimination, many clubs are no longer allowing any singles.

7. Is everyone gorgeous at the clubs? It’s a matter of perspective. Most swingers are regular people, just like you. You are

gorgeous, aren’t you? We all take very good care of ourselves, but the average age of lifestylers is 30-50ish. Our advice to you is this: we

understand that you are concerned about how you look, but if you are considering swinging, make friends first. It's a lot more comfortable to

be with your friends than just doing people you don't know.

8. Is swinging cheating? Isn't this an interesting question? Is it? What are your boundaries? And most importantly, what is your

motivation for getting involved in this lifestyle? If you think this is about open marriage or collecting boyfriends and girlfriends, then it is

cheating. If you think that it's ok to be with other people without telling your other half, then it is cheating. The couples who have longevity in

swinging are those that both agree to their rules and stick to them. If you think your partner is straying, talk about it! At the end of all of it,

you are the only one who can determine if it’s truly ‘cheating’ or not.

9. What if I get jealous? Communicate! If you're jealous, it's usually because your significant other is doing more than you, or you

feel threatened by a relationship they are having. If you discuss honestly the very thing that concerns or confuses you, s/he will be happy

to listen and probably you will be able to alleviate the feeling by changing a rule or two. You need to remember that while your other half is

having a great time, YOU are the one that s/he is in love with and that you have a life together outside of the specific lifestyle activities you

choose to participate in.

10. Should we tell others about our new lifestyle? That is completely up to you. However, the very people you think will

understand, usually don't. This lifestyle is wonderful and you do feel like you should share your happiness, but a lot of society is shocked

and actually threatened by our open attitude. We request that you do not share information about our club, including information about the

parties, their locations and any information about the owners, host couples or other club-specific information. We go to great lengths to

secure your privacy and we respectfully request the same with ours.

11. We're scared, but excited. How do we pick a place to go? Check out the local club listings on our website, or a very

complete listing at www.nasca.com. Then make the phone call. Most clubs will want to speak to both of you right then, so be sure that

you're available. Then ask questions of them. Ask them if there are rules about dressing down at a certain time, or if they allow singles. Ask

if they have security, what the rule is about socializing vs.sex, if you're required to be married, etc. You need to take charge of your

experience, and make sure that the place you’ll go is understanding and appreciative of your individual needs.

12. What's the difference between off-premise clubs and on-premise clubs? Off-premise clubs are held in a bar, hall or a

warehouse and are strictly for socializing. In an off-premise situation, no sexual activity of any kind can occur, typically due to local laws or

ordinances. On-premise clubs allow for socializing and partying to happen all in the same location and are usually in private residence or

hotel setting. Be sure to know which scenario you have BEFORE you go.

13. What is open and closed swinging? Open swinging is a situation where all couples involved are interacting in the same room.

Closed swinging is where couples split up and go to different rooms. The question is - why would you pick one over the other. A lot of

people think it would be easier not to see another person pleasuring your significant other. However, what if they needed you or, what if

they wanted to see you be pleasured? This is one of the many topics to cover with your partener before you attend an event.

14. You've been swinging for over 20 years. What's the secret? This sounds really silly, but here goes...baby steps. It

makes more sense to take this lifestyle a little bit at a time and see how it fits within your boundaries. Some of it does, and some of it

doesn't. If it works, keep it. If it doesn't, pitch it. Test it with time. The biggest thing we've learned is that we need to communicate with

each other, to tell each other what's wrong, or right, and most of all to reassure each other that we love each other.

written permission from Swing Mom, Inc.